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Sometimes it's better to leave things unsaid. I've already written everyone's names down on the back of a postcard that I will keep hanging in my room. Because even though we're far apart, there are some people that I will certainly keep in touch with and continue to pray for.
Tomorrow we'll cry and bawl. But the day after I'll jump with joy to be in barmy old England again. Seeing old friends, seeing Rachel .... I am excited about that! And this time I'll be visiting Scotland for the first time, too. And then HOMEEEEEEE. I am definitely looking forward to having curry laksa and nasi lemak again.
Working life beckons. So does my driving license. Now that part scares me ^_^
I'd rather skydive off a plane than get my driving license. Just so you know.
- Mood:
blah
And scared. Because when I read some of the stuff people are preaching out there, it sounds really legit. It is so easy to fall prey to these teachings because the lie is so well-packaged and hidden among the truth. If you blink for one moment, you might miss it and think that what they're teaching is okay. But it really isn't.
There was more to the rant originally but... I've decided to make it private, ie. viewable only to me. The reason I started this blog originally was to keep in touch with my parents and let people know what was going on in my life. That hasn't changed. I'm not a reporter or a journalist so there are posts that are going to be incredibly one-sided. For one, I see things as a Christian girl in her 20s so I'm not going to be writing like John Piper. That's not to say don't critique me, but I'm not trying to be a writer in this blog. (I'm trying to be a writer in my other blog perhaps but I'm still dubious about that.)
If you really want to know more about the prosperity gospel, read these articles:
- Introduction to Prosperity Theology (Ok, it's wikipedia but it's pretty comprehensive)
- Real-world prosperity gospel example (The most blatant one I've seen yet)
- Why the prosperity gospel is truly dangerous. John Piper sums it up neatly here.
- Mood:busy
- Learn to be more crafty - buy a sewing machine! And start crocheting again!
- Continue binding journals
- Putting a library together of all my books. I want to get missionary biographies on C.T. Studd (omgosh his proposal to his wife then she refused him then he replied .... 'you have neither the will nor the mind of God blablablablablablabla'. She married him anyway and he wrote her a 70 page love letter. *snicker*) , Mary Slessor, David Livingstone, Jackie Pullinger (although my parents might have her book called Chasing the Dragon), William Carey, Hudson Taylor and all the books of Isobel Kuhn I don't have yet. Isobel Kuhn = new favourite female author ^_^
- Redecorate my old room - with my sister's permission hehehe
- ...then redecorate the rest of the house room by room :P
I'm still dreaming of having a library one day like Beauty found in the Beast's castle. With a sliding ladder going all the way across the shelves and shelves of books. Well, this one I found on pinterest is something I can settle for too.
Books > clothes. Because they never go out of fashion. It's ok, I tell myself, all my heroes read a lot and journalled a lot. One of them is fictional (Emily of New Moon) but everyone else is real!! Upsadaisy, time to rest my eyes....
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:Beirut - Postcards from Italy
The morning started with a few options: write some papers, listen to Chuck tracks, watch an episode of my Korean drama. But I found I left my Chuck track folder at home, and the internet connection iffy (so research for my papers kind of hampered - ended up just writing outlines for all of them) and Korean dramas at 10 in the morning?! No, I couldn’t justify it. So it popped into my head to actually write about Teach For Malaysia (TFM) - something that I’ve been delaying because I don’t quite know how to formulate all my reasons for taking up this fellowship.
Like the other big decision in my relatively short life thus far (what university to go to), TFM sort of just appeared out of nowhere. When I had to apply for universities, York was never on the radar. It was just a fill-in on my UCAS form to UK universities because of a random conversation I had with a pastor from York while I was volunteering in Austria. But it became my first choice, edging out other places like Manchester and Goldsmiths. As you know, I ended up with a B.A. in Music.
Among other things, I have considered teaching music, teaching English, music journalism, doing a Master’s, full-time ministry, arts management. Believe it or not, there is a lot of scope. Oh dear, I feel like this is going to be a long one. Please bear with me. And at the back of my mind, I had the option of working anywhere in the world or Malaysia. Possibilities are literally endless, but it was down to either Malaysia, or anywhere in the world. But my heart has turned toward Malaysia in the past two years so Malaysia it was. It wasn’t until my friend JW (not Jack Wills the brand k) visited me while I was in Seattle attending bible college and pressed me to apply for TFM.
( Everything else you probably didn't need to know :P )TFM plans to address education inequity through placing individuals in the bottom classes of high-need schools throughout the country (but for now, within Selangor, KL, Negri Sembilan, Perak and Pahang). These schools are ranked as Band 6 and Band 7 according to the Education Ministry. My alma mater is apparently a Band 4 and everyone already says it’s terrible. Ha! Fellows have to improve their students' grades, increase aspirations, implement a sustainable project in the school or community they are in, among other things.
The TFM fellowships lasts for two years. What happens after that, we’ll cross the bridge when we come to it. Malaysians have been complaining about our education system for years and years, and here we have a nonprofit working in concerted effort with the Education Ministry. I personally want to see the same opportunities to good education made available to every child, regardless of where and how they live. The choice will be theirs at the end of the day to be a farmer or hairdresser, but one can be an educated farmer or a knowledgeable hairdresser.
A teacher wields great influence on shaping the choice their students make.
Oh, and they're taking in applications now. Check this out and the video below for more information :)
- Mood: hopeful
- Music:Kids Don't Stand A Chance - Vampire Weekend
A million things running through my head. Writing music. Teaching for Teach For Malaysia. My devos tomorrow. New worship song I gotta learn. Scripting Pollution and the Death of Man. My brainnnnn....
So, tomorrow seems to be a big day. Not that all days are unequal, but some stand out as more significant. Tomorrow Teach For Malaysia is launching a social media campaign to recruit more people for this year's cohort (I think) and I have like 2 seconds of fame (the less the better because Germany put the fat back on my face (o.0) ). Then there's worship tomorrow morning and I'm playing keys for a relatively new song. I don't even know what the rest of the set is yet. Before I continue on to the next part, let me say I am still very noob at playing keys. Most people don't understand that it IS hard for a classical musician to play without notated sheet music (the taugeh), let alone to improvise without lead sheets (the ones with chords marked in). 'Music... is all the same one, right?' If you are trained a certain way your whole life, you are conditioned to play that way. We're creatures of habit! That's all there is to it. It's reasonable to not expect someone who has lived in Malaysia their whole life to adapt to weather in Antartica in one day. Likewise, the same applies here. There is a reason why professional classical pianists stick to classical, and professional jazz pianists stick to jazz. Some can cross over genres successfully, but honestly there aren't that many out there who can pull it off very convincingly.
My point: It. Takes. Time. And. Practice.
Please don't expect sons and daughters, nieces and nephews to play everything by ear, or play everything you set in front of them. Growing up I used to be terrified that someone will ask me to play something that I don't know - and that happened a lot. And I was a poor sight-reader.... 'Slow and steady wins the race' is my motto ^_^ Thankfully at university, musicians are more understanding about one another and will give you the music beforehand to work on. Obviously, things like sight-reading and improvisation are good things to master to increase your skill level, but it takes lots of practice.
I really appreciate that at bible college here, Teresa has given me guidance on how to play keys with a band. Bruce tells me that less is more especially when you play in a group because it's not a one-man show. Worship music shouldn't sound cluttered, but should help in creating a suitable environment for people to worship in. Ok, I didn't meant to go off on a rant.
So this is the new song we're playing tomorrow by Desperation Band featuring Kari Jobe. The first time I listened to it, it was ok, but this song is really great the more you sing and listen to it. Kari Jobe might seem too emotional for the liking of some people, but you only have to hear her share about her heart as a worship leader (search worship sermon Kari Jobe and click till you find it) before you go, 'I want what she's got - a heart completely after God.'
Yeah.... and my devos tomorrow morning is going to be about redeeming the time. It's all kind of floating around in my head D: Lord, please let them be Your words, not mine. And let them be coherent.
For my next post, I'll be sharing on some of the reasons I joined Teach For Malaysia :)
- Mood:
tired
So, if you vant a mock German-English aczent, you can say 'ze people in zis country are wunderbar' and all your w's should sound like v's and all your v's like f's. Example:
flo-wer => flo-ver
what => vat
birth-day => boerf-day
Ok, I can't think of any real good examples for v's becoming f's, but that's how you speak in German. verheiratet (married) is pronounced 'fer-hai-ra-tet'. And if you want to sound faux German, just pepper every sentence with genau, genau? It's like the way we would use 'right' (This is how you do it right? Right.) Genau.
And if all else fails, Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof. Now THIS, I think is a classic German expression. Just a way of saying 'I don't get it. I don't understand what you're talking about.' etc. But literally translate: I only understand the train station. In any other country in the world, who understands the train system? Not Malaysia for sure pfffffttttt, but in Germany it's certainly something you can count on :)
So one of the German girls told me at the start that I was her FIRST ASIAN FRIEND. *heartmelt* What she meant was her age lah but I'm fine with that. Since then, I have been slowly telling them stuff about the culture I'm from... always happens wherever I go, and I learn about theirs - German, American and Canadian this semester. People aren't that different wherever they're from. And we girls have now found a uniting point *JENG JENG JENG*
City Hunter for the win. Or rather, Lee Min Ho.
GG #1: Stephanie, I think you were right. I looked up pictures of him on the internet. He's had a nose job.
All girls: REALLY?!?! *cue mixed cries of 'Oh that's so sad.' 'Why's he so vain?' 'I like him better with his former nose.'
GG #2: I still like him though. How tall is he?
AG#1: Oooh he's 6'1''. I checked on the internet.
GG #2: That's pretty tall. But he's not very heavy... I think he's only 4 kilos heavier than me!
GG #1: And on his facebook page he said was praying for Thailand because they filmed City Hunter there... maybe he's a Christian!!!
*collective cries of oohs and aahs*
GG #2: Hey that's my future husband you're talking about there. Hehehehe.
This is so hilarious to watch. Because I am SO SURE if Lee Min Ho hadn't appeared, if I asked them 'Would you ever consider marrying an Asian guy?', the answer would have been a no. They mispronounced his name initially as 'Lemon Ho' which doesn't sound good at all. Now, they're just changing their last names to Lee - M. Lee, F. Lee, E. Lee .... and wanting to go to Korea.
Sorry, long overdue update. It's been busy with Speaker's Week, homework and random trips. Thanks for your prayers - keep praying that the girls don't go into Korean-drama induced overdrive/coma. Haha!
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:Divine Romance - Phil Wickham
In the glory of Your presence
I find rest for my soul
In the depths of Your love
I find peace makes me whole
I love, I love, I love Your presence
I love, I love, I love Your presence
I love, I love, I love You Jesus
I love, I love, I love Your presence
Peace and rest we can find in the Lord....but what of those who don't know Jesus, of those unsaved?
- Mood:
thoughtful
Yet God is so much bigger than my thoughts, desires and ideas. I see that now. Yes, I really did want to travel all around the place. But my original plan was to spend the entire year in Germany because it is hard to get uprooted and make friends all over again in a few months. And the kind of friendships you make at bible college are deep - the kind that can last a lifetime. After I prayed, decided on going to Seattle first and then got to Seattle, I tell you I just wanted to stay there for the year instead. Loved my teacher, loved the house we stayed in, loved the international fellowship I encountered there, loved Seattle, loved the landscape, loved everything about it.
But, I had to go to Germany. The same complications that only allowed me one semester in Germany applied to Seattle. I considered negotiating with God haha.... but in the end, I decided I think Germany is where God wants me to be for some reason I don't know.
The exciting thing is, I kind of know now! I see what God is working in my life here that He wouldn't have been able to if I stayed in Seattle. One of the things I know I wouldn't have had as much opportunity for is outreaches. The Lord is showing me what it means to have a burden for the lost, and one of my bible college girls has such a heart for the lost. To see how much she relies on the Lord in prayer and waiting on Him is so inspiring. Today was our third street outreach and the harvest is actually visible! No wonder she has been facing spiritual attack for the past couple of day leading up to this - the enemy doesn't want us out there pointing people to Jesus.
Let me clarify: it's NOT a street outreach where we are holding up placards saying 'Repent or go to hell'. We just talk to people one-on-one or in groups. The point is to make the gospel heard and God tells us in Isa 55:11 that His word never returns void. We sang songs too and gave out drinks. And prayed tons.
Something which is of immense encouragement to me this week is the parable of the growing seed. We touched on that last week in my class on Mark.
He also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come." Mark 4:26-29
The beauty of this is the Word is sown and there are forces at work to grow the seed. One commentator, Ray Stedman, wrote, 'Does the farmer go to bed but then stay up the whole night worrying if the seed will grow?' No, he trusts that it will grow as long. Who makes it grow? God. The same thing applies to the kingdom of God. Paul planted, Apollos watered, but at the end of the day it's God who gives the growth. In the same way it is with the Word in people's lives, believer or not. I can't explain how precisely God has brought growth in my life but He has because I'm not the same person who didn't enjoy reading the Bible 9 years ago. Let God do the mysterious growing; the sowing, the planting and the watering is ours to do in His strength by His grace for His glory.
- Mood:
content
Also, they understand your English even if they don't speak it. Which has actually made street witnessing possible, even for me, when we went on outreaches. So a bunch of young people there - ok, I'm a bit wimpy when it comes to approaching big groups... the fear of man, pride, all that - and my Irish friend will totally stroll up to them and speak in English, 'Hey, would any of you like some free coffee?' They responded with big smiles. Translate that to somewhere in England and I honestly think people will give you the eyeball if you're a foreigner. My German is still really, superbly limited and my efforts at trying to learn it have been stunted by lack of time.
BUT today I learnt a new phrase. 'Wer sein Fahrrad liebt der schiebt'.
I'm told it's a very German expression which works only because it rhymes well. It means he who loves his bike pushes it.
Oh, one thing I'm secretly proud of is my fake good German. I say fake cuz my German is really poor, but it's good German because I pass off for a decent German speaker even though all I can say is like 'Ich heisse Stephanie und ich komme aus Malaysie' and throwaway phrases like 'schlaf schoen' (sweet dreams). Don't believe me? When I open my mouth to ask people in German if they'd like some coffee or chocolate, they mostly responded in a string of incoherent German words (to me) ending with danke! Everyone else said yes la. But the point is, if they thought my German was bad, they wouldn't speak back to me in German. And they wouldn't give me that look expecting me to understand everything.
Obviously, I don't look like this (below) unless I have to. Like if they ask me something in return then I just go, 'SORRY, can you speak English? Mein Deutsch ist schlecht.' (My German is bad haha)
Now we have Koinania which is Greek for fellowship. Yay, coz apparently it involves eating cookies and worship. I can't think of a better combination right now. If you remember to pray, please pray for discipline in quiet time and the grace to get up early every morning (like 6am).
- Mood:
sleepy
Anyway, a theme for this semester seems to be emerging and it's suffering and persecution. Such joyous topics :D Well, Scripture never once tells us that life is easy, does it? In fact it paints a bleak picture for Christians. Sometimes that gets me down to be honest. But today, I am very encouraged. And very happy.
Thinking about Valentine's Day and how people are all about celebrating love, God's love is immeasurable to the point that He sent His Son to die for me. How many of the people on facebook or twitter now announcing their love for one another would die for that loved one? This is one of my favourite descriptions of the love of God in this hymn 'The Love of God' by Frederick Martin Lehman.
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
So yes, suffering is real, persecution is real - no way will I try to belittle that. But in His word it's never just you will face persecution... the end. Or endure trials... full stop. It's not like, 'I sacrifice myself for Thee, Lord' in a martyr-like behaviour. Anything, and everything we do is always a response to what God did first. Hence any sacrifice or 'good works' is rooted in the love of God.
Paul - what a great writer!! - puts it this way:
'Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written,
“FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG;
WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.”
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
- Mood:
touched
